What to do when they say "I don't see race"

As people with multiple marginalized identities, this statement makes our blood boil and we may or may not know what to say. This is a moment that my client experienced in our work together and I describe how we responded to this moment in a way that aligned with my clients values.

During a coaching call with my client (who's a business coach), she wanted to unpack something that happened during one of her group coaching calls that was top of mind for her.

My client shared that while doing some ideal client work, one of her participants stated that "I don't see race" when it came to identifying the demographics of their ideal client.

My client (who's done lots of reading and thinking about anti-racism and was working with me to deepen her practice so that it becomes more embodied), immediately felt like she had to do or say something.

Still she froze, in the moment, and then felt guilty about not doing or saying something.

In our call, we made space for the feels and frustrations and then we brainstormed ways to rectify the situation.

We gut-checked with my client's values (which we were in process of articulating and documenting) and played out the worst-case scenarios (one of my favorite coaching strategies).

This looked like laying out all the potential ways to move forward from confronting the situation head on and naming that statements like that are not okay to leaning into curiosity to see where this statement came from and considering the idea that we can't make anyone change but we can offer what we know to be true.

In the end, we decided to go with the strategy that honored her curiosity and desire to stay in relationship with this person WHILE ALSO stretching her edges so that she can unlearn the idea that discomfort is bad.

My approach to coaching is that it's about finding just the right sauce, at the right temperature, at the right time to serve the clients goals.

I'm not interested in creating copies of Petra's.

This is why my work is grounded in doing my best to understand my clients' intersections of experiences and desires so I can help you get closer and closer to practicing what you preach.

If any piece of you feels like how you're showing up is not aligned with the world you want, reach out and let's see if I might be able to help.